I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
