i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
