I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a beard to bite.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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