Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The adults are the big ones right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
