I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
