so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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