Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize