I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dear god my vagina.
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