Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
