The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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