I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
