I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
