I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
