Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
