The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
