yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
