We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
