i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize