I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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