I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
