Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
