She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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