this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
