I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
