Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
