You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
