We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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