thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
