Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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