At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
