and you said cock pushups were impossible
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
