you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
where are you?
Hypothermia
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
