smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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