I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
