pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
