So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
