Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
