Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
