We're facebook friends in real life
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
