he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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