you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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