I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
