This is not my ceiling
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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