all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
