Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
