he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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