I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
