I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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