If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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