I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
