When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
