I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
