i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
