I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
