we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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