I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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