i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
