I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Come on in and take your pants off
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