Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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