I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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