i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
