he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
