I just made out with a guy for $7.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
