I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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