he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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