Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
