i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
where does the pee come out of this thing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
