Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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