I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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