My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
