Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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