I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
