Sponge bath it is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
