i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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